Pregnancy is an odd thing. Though the days are going by at a snails pace lately, the whole thing has also gone by so fast. It seems like just yesterday I was throwing up and each of the days were blending into each other. I was so sick that time seemed to be meaningless. One day sleep would finally come, I would wake up and suddenly it felt like a week would have passed out of no where, now though, as we wait patiently for our little one to arrive, every day seems to take a year.
I am 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant. She could literally come at any point, which is simultaneously exciting and maddening. Every single little twinge I feel jump starts my mind into "Am I in labor??? Could this be it??? Is it starting???" I always told myself I wouldn't be THAT mom, and I never understood mom's who were like that. Even as a doula, I always thought those mom's who were left sitting around waiting were just ridiculous. You will know when you are in labor, I would think to myself, and until you are you will just go about your life. Haha. Funny how things change. I have become obsessed as the moments slowly roll past. I have turned into that mom who googles every single little symptom until I find whatever ridiculous validation it is that my mind needs that maybe, JUST MAYBE this IS it. I feel like I am going mad, symptom searching until I finally find the one testimony from the 12th page of the google results where a mom says something like,, "oh yeah, when my left eye ball itched at 2:03 on a Wednesday, I went into labor!" But I guess that's the age of the internet.
Honestly though, I don't feel much. I was sick for about a week (curse the Norovirus going around Michigan right now) but for the last two or three days I have felt oddly normal. I feel her moving, but I don't really feel much else. No major Braxtonhicks, no sudden drop in my stomach or pelvic pressure, no sudden burst of energy, I'm not waddling or really feeling her much lower in my pelvis at all. Nothing. So much so that I almost don't understand how one day VERY soon, or even just any hour here, she could decide to make her appearance and suddenly our lives will be changed forever.
That's how it happened for my mom though. I just talked to her on the phone today, expressing my concern that I don't understand how she could POSSIBLY be coming soon because I just feel so normal that it's not even funny. She assured me though that with my brother that she had 0 symptoms until 5 am on the morning my brother was born (he arrived at 11 am). With me it was a bit of a different story because she was induced just a few days past my August 18th due date so she didn't get a chance to feel what her body would have done naturally...but had I been like my brother, than I guess it really would have felt like nothing at all.
So I am trying to survive. I have been cleaning like mad...not that I really think I'm nesting, I just clean to do SOMETHING to prepare in some way, because as you all know, the nursery is set up, the birth supplies have been bought, I have stopped working and other than waiting, there is nothing really left for me to do. The birth plan has been written, her name chosen, room painted, diapers washed and there is nothing yet to do but wait.
I feel like I have exhausted the movie selection on Netflix and Hulu (and especially the small selection of pregnancy movies and tv shows). I have taken self care baths, gotten a pedicure so that my baby wont get a look at my naked toes and think, '"NOPE, I'm going back in, I can't stand this lady's naked toes!" I put up all of our decorations in the bedroom, organized the bookshelf and had a close friend put henna on my belly. And it feels like that's it. All there is left to do is sleep and wait.
So...if anyone has any tips on how to get through this, let me know, because as you can see, I am busy going insane over here. I know she will come when she is ready, but how did you manage this huge test of patience? Let me know in the comments below!
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