December is the most wonderful time of the year. Lights, Christmas trees, Christmas music, gift giving, delicious food, holiday gatherings, snow, there’s so much to enjoy and look forward to! And for me this year it all feels extra special, because when the new year comes I will be just 5 days away from my baby shower, 18 days away from our Last Hurrah Before The Baby party and about 20 days away from entering my due weeks.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas. To put my love for the holiday in perspective (during any normal year) I will tell you this, at the end of August of this year I went on a trip to the Dollar Tree. Upon arriving I noticed that they were pulling out their Christmas décor at the same time as they were getting out their Halloween decorations, and upon leaving the cashier told me “happy holidays.” Afterwards I immediately went home to laugh and tell Ryan how crazy it was that people were already giving the holiday greeting, but I cannot deny that there was a secret excitement in my heart at the idea of the holidays coming so soon. So, knowing my regular excitement for the holiday take that and multiply that by about a thousand, because this year even when my favorite season is over, I get to meet my little girl.
In so many ways I feel finally able to enjoy my pregnancy. The depression and nausea have lifted, I am starting to gain weight back and can eat again, things with my family are going quite well, our little baby is healthy, and I am finally starting to feel normal. I love the routines Ryan and I have created recently, the home we have built and the love that we share.
In addition to feeling better physically, I have had an emotional ton lifted from my shoulders. As many of you know it was quite some time into my pregnancy before my family found out that I was pregnant (and eloped and a few other things). I am not going to get into the nitty gritty details here, at least not today, maybe one day I will tell the story, but for now I am still riding it out. Regardless now that everyone knows about Ryan and I’s marriage and pregnancy I feel so much lighter. The emotional toll it was taking on me was astronomical and I am so thankful that everything is out in the open now. The outpouring of support I have gotten has been tremendous and I feel so warm. I am connecting with people that I have not connected with in years, forming bonds and I am just so thankful. Life feels at least moderately stable for now and I did not realize how much I was missing stability.
It doesn’t feel like a regular Christmas this year. This year it feels like a month-long end-of-pregnancy-celebration! Our Christmas tree seems even more beautiful this year, the snow makes our house feel even more cozy, the Christmas songs sound even sweeter knowing that my sweet girl can hear them too (even if she doesn’t recognize them yet).
Last weekend we went to 2 Thanksgiving celebrations and Sunday we decorated the house. This weekend we are going to paint pottery in a little town that I know will be filled with lights and tomorrow we are having our 3rd annual Friendsgiving celebration. Sunday I am going Christmas shopping with my Grandma and I am just enjoying every moment of it all! Ryan is coming up with a plan to begin his Phd, I am enjoying substituting every day at school, my brother just got an amazing new job and I am just more in love with my life right now than I ever thought possible. There is so much to enjoy, so much to look forward to and so many good things that are yet to come…it has been so long since I have enjoyed life like this and I missed it greatly. Things might not be perfect, but they are closer to perfect than I have been in years. I am so thankful for the improvements that have been made and for the first time in a long time I can say I am truly looking forward to seeing what this new year has in store. I am so grateful; my heart has never been so full.
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